Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
