she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize