I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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