Whod you bang
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
