what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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