No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
