Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
