I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
