The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize