How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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