Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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