nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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