Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
