Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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