True but thats because hes a fetus.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
