Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize