If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
