Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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