I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
