That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
