I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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