You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
