This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
