dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
