Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
