so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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