My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i out mim tonsoeep
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