You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize