he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
