i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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