Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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