i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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