I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize