how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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