Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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