I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
