Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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