i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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