i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
