if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
