So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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