I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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