I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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