New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
