I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
