who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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