i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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