he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
