Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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