It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
