Soap is not a condiment
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
