I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
