I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
