her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
