Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
