You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize