No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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