Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
