I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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