He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My breasts were aching with rage.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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