Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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