im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
