Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
