I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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