I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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