please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
