I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
