my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
