well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
