And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
