Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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