I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize