Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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